>>5720One of my closet friend killed himself back on feb 2020 and I just felt so impotent and lost since then, there's not a single night that I go without thinking about every single detail about the last day I saw him, his blind rage over everything, his exaggerated bad mood, his lost interest to do anything, everything was there and it was so clear, yet I just didn't see it, and i just don't know why, he showed it, but he did not tell it, he was always making excuses for it, and i believed them, like the fool i was and i never knew why, he was my friend, my best friend, and he didn't even said a word to me about it, and i just don't know why, i wish I could go back in time and just tell him just once if he was alright and hug him for one last time, but I know he wouldve just lied, like he always did to keep me happy.
I really know this isn't the place to talk about it but I really can't.
I just don't
it's been almost 2 years now, and i just can't forget it, he always kept it a secret, a secret to someone who couldve helped him and i just want to know why, why didn't him just told me that he wasn't ok, just why and now I just lay on my bed for hours thinking of why didn't I do something, anything to get him out of there even if he didnt asked for it, everything was there but no one saw. not even me and i hate myself for it